As I come to the last pages of a long journal, I look back at the first page to reflect. I’ve been writing consistently again and it always amazing me to see growth and transformation even from the page just before my next entry. It’s a powerful practice to read those last few lines from earlier in the day or a few days prior. To see the continuity of my own consciousness becoming more alive, more aware, with greater humility and deeper healing.
My intention in sharing is that you find hope and inspiration in any way that you might connect with this offering. I use the word God here in reference to Divine Consciousness, feel free to insert whatever you feel connected to that honors this relationship for you.
August 18th 2018:
It has been heard to breathe. Yet, mainly I choose rather to focus on taking right action and being of service, than on despair. Despair is an infinite downward spiral and the only positive is the moment when I must make a choice to turn again towards the light.
This could be referred to as the “highs and lows” of which I’ve had many; even in an instant. Aware of multiple possibilities of consciousness’ existence at the same time in one moment, in one seemingly small mind, body, person; me. But then I remember this inner world as an I experience a “me” processing the outter world to create and make sense of how I contribute; has a choice. I have a choice. Rather than be overwhelmed, which many times throughout a day I can be, I have some very solid tools to recalibrate my thinking and feeling processes so as not to become entirely consumed.
Consumed, an old bad habit sometimes posing as a friend.
I do like to get lost in things, between worlds, adrift. There’s quite a gift in becoming absorbed but the real question is “what are you becoming absorbed in?” or “what am I becoming absorbed in?”. Is it of God?
That’s what I want to know. And most importantly what I ask of myself these days.
“Is it of God?”.
This act, this art, this idea, thought, need, relationship…
Will it not only nourish me but create some positive ripple into the world?
You could answer, or I, that simply being nourished is a positive and thus the ripple must be so as well.
But I must go a step further and question “what part of me is being nourished"?”
Nourishment speaks to the natural order of wholesome and might lead to morality which then we might begin to discuss or ponder depravity. Let me make clear, God to me is NOT religious and morality and depravity speak to a distance or closeness of ones ability to listen deeply to their pure, unobstructed heart. This is where sitting quiet in prayer and meditation bring greater clarity for me.
No one is perfect and I believe that there, at the very core of each being lives the possibility for infinite goodness. Goodness being an authentic desire for the upliftment of our fellows, the genuine ability to know peace and connection. This place of heart lives inside ALL; I believe. And we must have hope that in clearing away the midnight of the mad forest in which fear, shame, doubt, jealousy, retaliation, rage and ignorance lurk and dominate that we cultivate a pathway of understanding, kindness, patience and compassion. The pathway is made in love and the journey is rooted in hope. And it must begin within ourselves.
Each right action first sparked by a feeling and leading to a thought, a kind of already knowing.
Call it intuition leading to our liberation.
To whom then do I owe more gentleness and patience?
Mostly, my mother.
And absolutely myself.
In all deeds today I will breathe first as this is the pathway to deep listening and non-reaction.
Thank you God for my health and all the gifts you bestow upon me and this human family, all beings.
Truly, today I know what it is to live and embrace your unconditional love and abundance. I pray to stay in this knowing and if I fumble and forget let it only be for a moment because everywhere I look God’s grace is affirmed and all I need to do is BE OPEN TO IT!